It\u2019s that time again.\u00a0 \u201cHon, what would you like for your birthday this year?\u201d asks my husband, trying to make it sound like a lighthearted inquiry.\u00a0 We both know it\u2019s more like the commencement of a weeks-long cycle of anxiety.<\/p>\n
I watch those \u201csay it with diamonds\u201d commercials and shake my head.\u00a0 My husband probably wishes I would pick out a pair of diamond earrings, or some designer duds, or expensive perfume, or something else out of the \u201cGift Catalog for Wives\u201d, but I\u2019m just not that woman.\u00a0 Never have been.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got nothing against the women who gasp over baubles, or furs, or 18 karat bling; but the particular gene that causes attraction to those things is missing from my DNA.<\/p>\n
This makes birthdays and Mother\u2019s Day and Christmas and Valentine\u2019s Day and anniversaries a big problem for my husband.<\/p>\n
Have you ever been in a group and a woman shows her friends the new jewelry that her husband bought her?\u00a0 The other women ooooh and aaaaah, and the other husbands\/boyfriends look uncomfortable?\u00a0 My husband wants to be the oooooh and aaaaah generator.\u00a0 Just once.<\/p>\n
If he wants gift ideas, I\u2019m always full of them.\u00a0 This Christmas I asked for new oven mitts, and I got them. I love them.\u00a0 I also got a new crock pot, and a soda machine.\u00a0 Excellent choices!\u00a0 Almost every year, I ask for the same things:\u00a0 candles, slippers, kitchen stuff, and I adore what I get; but those aren\u2019t the kinds of things that make women melt and feel cherished and tell everyone how wonderful their husband is.<\/p>\n
So, you think I\u2019m just pragmatic and not emotional or romantic?\u00a0 Not true.\u00a0 It\u2019s just that what makes me melt isn\u2019t available at the store and won\u2019t need fancy wrapping.\u00a0 It takes thought and effort and feeling.\u00a0 I could hand my husband a list, but I won\u2019t\u2026..not because I\u2019m trying to be uncooperative, but because if I have to tell him, it loses most of its appeal.\u00a0 See, I want him to think, to feel, to know what\u2019s in my heart and find a way to touch it; to remind me that he still knows what\u2019s underneath the Mom, the professional, the volunteer, the friend, the Grandma.<\/p>\n
I know I\u2019m not alone in this feeling, so for discombobulated boyfriends\/husbands everywhere, here are some ideas for women who don\u2019t fit the mold for Cartier and Chanel.<\/p>\n
*Write her a letter, and tell her what you admire about her, or what memories of the two of you are most cherished, or just that if you had to do it all over again, you\u2019d still choose her*Don\u2019t ask her \u00a0permission or opinion about a night out for the occasion, just plan it with confidence, tell her how to dress and what time to be ready (or even better, pick out her outfit and leave it with an invitation) and surprise her*Make her something with your own two hands:\u00a0 whether it\u2019s a framed photo collage, a new birdhouse, a window box, or a CD of her favorite songs*Plan a surprise party.\u00a0 I know that you don\u2019t know how, but that\u2019s what her girlfriends and family are for, to help you (and completely ignore her when she says she doesn\u2019t like surprise parties.\u00a0 That\u2019s just something women say so they aren\u2019t disappointed when they don\u2019t get one)*Sign up for a couples thing that you don\u2019t want to do, but she does:\u00a0 dancing lessons, cooking classes, massage school, etc. and then go happily, even if it really isn\u2019t your cup of tea*Get cheesy:\u00a0 have flowers delivered, or take a horse drawn carriage ride, rent a billboard*Renew your vows (which is one of the few times that a little bling should also be involved)*Set up a session with a photographer for \u201ccouple photos\u201d*Take a walk down memory lane and return to your first restaurant or rent the first movie you saw together*<\/p>\n
There, you\u2019ve just gotten the \u201cinside scoop\u201d.\u00a0 You\u2019re welcome.\u00a0 My husband is probably still wishing he could get away with something in a velvet lined box, but whoever said \u201cDiamonds are a girl\u2019s best friend\u201d didn\u2019t know this girl.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It\u2019s that time again.\u00a0 \u201cHon, what would you like for your birthday this year?\u201d asks my husband, trying to make it sound like a lighthearted inquiry.\u00a0 We both know it\u2019s more like the commencement of a weeks-long cycle of anxiety. … Continue reading